My mom is awesome

Have I ever told you how awesome my mom is?
 
Last week Eliza lost her tooth on the way to Grandma's house. 

She worried about whether the tooth fairy would find her in Grandma's basement.  Luckily, the tooth fairy did, and she left three quarters.  (Which was quite a disappointment after the previous tooth's crisp dollar bill.)  By the time we had to leave, the three quarters were MIA.  We left with a crying six year old in tow.

Today I got an email for Eliza from Grandma:


Dear Eliza,

Guess what?  I found your missing quarters.  I was so surprised!

I went to mend some clothes and when I sat at my sewing machine to lift up the pressure foot and put in the fabric, guess what I discovered?  3 neatly stacked quarters under the pressure foot and a broken needle (that had apparently tried to sew through them). 

I never would have thought to look for them there, but there they were!  I put them in your Mom's maid bag for you when you come again.

Love ya, the toothless one!

Grandma

PS--Are you the one who hid the little mouse in the fridge?  Ha!  That was another surprise I discovered after you left! 

A dollar a glass

I decided to take the plunge and recruit some kitchen help.  It happened a few nights ago, after Mark poured himself a big glass of milk that turned out to be spoiled.  Neither of us wanted to try anything from the other gallon in the fridge, so I paid Sage $1 to taste it.  

 

 

She tasted it, reported it safe, and then refunded my dollar.  What a good kid.  

I think it's safe to say that I will be soliciting a lot more kitchen help, now that I've had my eyes opened to the many advantages.  The price is certainly right! 

The kitchen help

Sometimes I'm a lame mom, and I reject my kids' offers to help make dinner in order to reduce messes and preparation time by 600%.  (I did a study once.  It was very scientific.  And above all, very conclusive.  Allowing kids to help in dinner prep is inversely proportional to productivity.)

But every once in a while, I try to spark the fires of learning and experimentation in my kids (like when I feel guilty after reading "I am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson*) and I decide it's time to involve some little fingers.

Yesterday was spaghetti night.  So I recruited our always-willing taste-tester, Lily.  I taught her the timeless trick for knowing when spaghetti noodles are done--toss one on the ceiling and see if it sticks.  Oh, boy.  She was in heaven.  And, oh boy, do my ceilings need to be cleaned now.  We almost had to cook a second batch to make up for all the "tested" pasta.

This afternoon, I broke out leftover spaghetti for lunch, and was heating up bowls when I felt a small thunk on my back.  A cold noodle dropped to the floor beside me, and I turned to see Lily looking sheepishly at me.

I returned to food prep, but it wasn't long (5 seconds) before I felt a slimy, cold spaghetti noodle land on my big toe.

What does Jane Clayson Johnson have to say about that, huh?

I was mentally transported back to the children's section of the library, where I took the girls to redeem their summer reading prizes.  Lily and Eliza both earned sticky hands, which are pretty much their favorite things on earth, along with everything else that costs 1 cent from Oriental Trading.  Lily gave her sticky hand one big twirl, right there in the library, and we never saw it again.  Even though we looked and looked.

I guess I should have checked the librarians' toes.


* I actually DO like this book.  Once I get over a few guilty feelings.  But learning to be appropriately motivated by guilt (or not) is part of motherhood too, right?

Polar bears in the scriptures

Sometimes it's hard to get through daily family scripture time.

Is it just me?

As soon as we pull out the scripture books (illustrated, for heavens sake), Lily (3) almost inevitably reverts to goo-goo gah-gah baby mode, which we've found to be an amazing defense mechanism against hearing anything interesting or spiritual. 

Eliza (5) and Sage (7) love the stories of the scriptures, but they get distracted by pressing issues like who is sitting by mom, who gets to hold the picture, and who sat on which couch cushion last time. 

In short, we're never short on distractions.  To compensate, I have learned to tell scripture stories in an extremely animated voice, complete with pantomiming and impromptu charades.  Anything to try to widen that 10-second window (where the kids are actually paying attention) to 30 or 40 seconds.

Tonight at scripture time I opened our leather-bound illustrated scriptures to the verse the girls had been asked to memorize for church (1 Ne 3:7), and I found myself staring in surprise at the illustration opposite the passage.  It was a depiction of Nephi trying to convince his brothers to obey the Lord's commandment to return to Jerusalem.   And I must say, Nephi was dressed in a most unusual outfit.  I trailed off in my animated telling, one eyebrow raised high, as I briefly considered the artist's choices.

Sage, the most attentive of the girls, noticed the illustration first.  She piped up with a little giggle, "Mom, why is Nephi wearing polar bear pants?" 

As a side note, last night we talked about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego--and scripture reading doesn't really get more awesome than that story.  But I'm sad to report that the fiery furnace feat didn't hold a candle to the speed with which all three children gathered for a look at the ancient prophet's polar bear pants.

Gospel scholar number two, Eliza, then sniggered, "Yeah! And look at his Santa hat!"

This time it was my turn to crowd in for a peek, since I hadn't even noticed Nephi's choice in headgear.

I wanted to tell my kids that the scriptures are still true even if the illustrations are not, but I didn't trust myself to speak without succumbing to the giggles that were building up.  So I just pursed my lips and nodded slowly, trying to buy time (and composure). And considered Nephi's leather back bace/corset/cummerbund.

But then Sage laid out the clincher.  "And why is he wearing a half-shirt?!?!?!?!"   (If you had heard her question, you would agree that  thne written form would need to be punctuated with at least four sets of ?!'s.)

[insert uncontrolled laughter here]

These are good questions, girls.  Someday the mysteries of heaven will be unfolded.  Like who chose to include this inspiring illustration anyway?  Until then, let's stick with something safe.  Like Balaam and the Talking Donkey (Numbers 22).  Even that seems easier to understand than Nephi's wardrobe choices. 

Q: What do you get when you mix St. Nick, a polar bear, and Project Runway?
A: Nephi, talking to his brothers.
Also, a lightning bolt.  For mocking the illustrated scriptures.

Love note

Dear Husband,
Thank you for the love note you left me the other day.  It was so unexpected, and so heartfelt. 
Love,
your wife

P.S.  When I removed it for safekeeping, it took one layer of Christian's skin with it.

The Best Medicine

 I recently read an incredible blog post.  It made me want to be more accepting and tolerant and slow to judge.  And it made me wish I still devoted time to write regularly, here on this blog, and in my journal. But for this period of my life, with the onset of frequent migraines, a demanding teaching assignment at church, yellow-shirt-wearing duties, and my four little munchkins, I seem to only be able to eek out tiny chunks of time for writing.  And mostly, it's just to exploit--I mean introduce--something funny my kids say or do.

I am grateful for the chance this blog gave me to hone my writing skills, and discover my interest in making people laugh.  And so, I have decided to change my blog's name.  Since "Pioneer Woman" was already taken, and "Exploiting My Children" was too creepy, I settled for "The Best Medicine"....in hopes that no one thinks of apples or penicillin, but HUMOR! 

And in the name of exploitation, here are a few gems from my little people.

It's amazing how many veggies my kids will gobble up if they can wash them down with aerosol dairy products.

German pancakes are also highly motivating around here.

This little monkey only likes the pacifier to play with.  Or, in this case, to almost swallow whole. 

These are BEAUTIFUL name tags Eliza made for Mother's Day.  Homemade from hand-torn scraps of a Kleenex.  Isn't that so organic?

Sage made a gigantic "Health Poster."

 I LOVE her suggestions.
A few of my favorites:
--Eat three HEALTHY meals each day.  Activity: Try to eat at least 6 veggies, 5 fruits, 4 grains, 3 meats, 2 things in the milk group each day.  When you have been doing that for a month, add all the food together.  Then you will know about how much healthy food you eat in a month!
--Sleep to survive.  Sleep is very important.  Activity: when you get home from school, try to take a nap at least from 3:30-4.  It has to be at least 30 minutes to reach your goal.
--Shelter.  Your Home.  If you've seen the castles in the library, you know what I'm talking about.  Try to make one of those, but a house.  If you can, make some people to go with it.
 --Now you know some pretty good ways to try and be healthy.  Go and try some at home.


You know the phrase, "If you don't laugh, you'll cry"?  Sometimes I change that phrase to "If you don't blog about it, you'll cry."   

Blogging and laughter...they're really the best medicine, don't you think?

I Feel Like a Woman

A few days ago I was serving lunch to Eliza (5) and Lily (3).  When I served Eliza last, she asked me incredulously, "Seriously, I'm a woman, and I have to go last?"

Here's our mature woman at her long-awaited "About Me" presentation in kindergarten last week.  She was very comfortable being in charge.

She even used her authoritative pointing stick to show off her live show-and-tell: cousin Micah, and his green cast.  

Lock up your daughters

Yesterday I started to put a onesie on Christian that said, "Lock up your daughters."  When Eliza saw me pulling it over his head, she said angrily, "I hate that shirt!"  Her vehement reaction surprised me, until it dawned on me that she thought the shirt's message was nothing more than a call for her incarceration.  Ha ha. 

On a completely unrelated note, I cannot get enough of the cuteness and sweetness of this little guy.

Christian is always doing this "Calvin [and Hobbes] smile."  You know, the triangular mouth one? 

I can't resist posting one more picture of Christian that always makes me laugh.  (Taken by my talented bro-in-law, Spencer.)  It makes me laugh every time to see his chubby face in the upside down bubble.