Polar bears in the scriptures

Sometimes it's hard to get through daily family scripture time.

Is it just me?

As soon as we pull out the scripture books (illustrated, for heavens sake), Lily (3) almost inevitably reverts to goo-goo gah-gah baby mode, which we've found to be an amazing defense mechanism against hearing anything interesting or spiritual. 

Eliza (5) and Sage (7) love the stories of the scriptures, but they get distracted by pressing issues like who is sitting by mom, who gets to hold the picture, and who sat on which couch cushion last time. 

In short, we're never short on distractions.  To compensate, I have learned to tell scripture stories in an extremely animated voice, complete with pantomiming and impromptu charades.  Anything to try to widen that 10-second window (where the kids are actually paying attention) to 30 or 40 seconds.

Tonight at scripture time I opened our leather-bound illustrated scriptures to the verse the girls had been asked to memorize for church (1 Ne 3:7), and I found myself staring in surprise at the illustration opposite the passage.  It was a depiction of Nephi trying to convince his brothers to obey the Lord's commandment to return to Jerusalem.   And I must say, Nephi was dressed in a most unusual outfit.  I trailed off in my animated telling, one eyebrow raised high, as I briefly considered the artist's choices.

Sage, the most attentive of the girls, noticed the illustration first.  She piped up with a little giggle, "Mom, why is Nephi wearing polar bear pants?" 

As a side note, last night we talked about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego--and scripture reading doesn't really get more awesome than that story.  But I'm sad to report that the fiery furnace feat didn't hold a candle to the speed with which all three children gathered for a look at the ancient prophet's polar bear pants.

Gospel scholar number two, Eliza, then sniggered, "Yeah! And look at his Santa hat!"

This time it was my turn to crowd in for a peek, since I hadn't even noticed Nephi's choice in headgear.

I wanted to tell my kids that the scriptures are still true even if the illustrations are not, but I didn't trust myself to speak without succumbing to the giggles that were building up.  So I just pursed my lips and nodded slowly, trying to buy time (and composure). And considered Nephi's leather back bace/corset/cummerbund.

But then Sage laid out the clincher.  "And why is he wearing a half-shirt?!?!?!?!"   (If you had heard her question, you would agree that  thne written form would need to be punctuated with at least four sets of ?!'s.)

[insert uncontrolled laughter here]

These are good questions, girls.  Someday the mysteries of heaven will be unfolded.  Like who chose to include this inspiring illustration anyway?  Until then, let's stick with something safe.  Like Balaam and the Talking Donkey (Numbers 22).  Even that seems easier to understand than Nephi's wardrobe choices. 

Q: What do you get when you mix St. Nick, a polar bear, and Project Runway?
A: Nephi, talking to his brothers.
Also, a lightning bolt.  For mocking the illustrated scriptures.