Two Step Weight Loss Plan

A few weeks ago my sister-in-law introduced a “Biggest Loser” challenge to the extended Williams family beginning now and concluding at the family reunion in May. At first I thought her timing was a little heartless, since I know she knows about the Costco size bag of chocolate chips I gave Mark (and by extension, myself!...I know, sneaky!) for V-day. But when I realized she was willing to give up all carbs, I figured I can do my part and lay off the chocolate a few times a day. Or week. Or at least for Lent.

In the past two weeks, I have discovered two ingenious inventions that have contributed to my ability to bypass chocolate in all its glorious forms. I discovered the first the weekend of Mark’s dad’s wedding when Mark and I decided to make 6 dozen chocolate chip cookies. We bought every ingredient beforehand, knowing that Mark’s dad likely had a year supply of Adams PB and almonds, but no vanilla or baking soda. (We were right.) There was one thing that I hadn’t counted on, though. A non-Kitchen Aid mixer.

I admit it. I can’t live without my Kitchen Aid and Mark. And my Kitchen Aid. And my kids. And my Kitchen Aid. And it was clear that mass chocolate chip cookie making was a bad idea without the KA. The kitchen was equipped with one of the most annoying mixers of all time. While mixing up the wet ingredients, the beaters fell out of their hole into the mixture at least 4 times. When I was ready to pour the dry ingredients into the wet ones Mark stopped me and said, “You can’t put all of that in there. It will clog the beaters and they’ll stop working.” I put about half the flour mixture in, and then decided I would at least let the mixer distribute the chocolate chips evenly before I had to start kneading the cookie dough by hand. Once again Mark stopped me. “The beaters aren’t strong enough for those. You have to mix those in by hand.” No wonder I had to teach Mark how great cookies are when we got married.

I found the biggest bread board around and poured out all the goopy dough (6 dozen cookies was looking very excessive now) and began to literally knead in cups of flour and chocolate chips. The end result was some pretty dang good cookies, but I know I’d think twice before volunteering to make even a dozen cookies with that breadboard/mixer combination again.

Which brings us to invention #1 for dieters. Trade in your beautiful Kitchen Aid for a ridiculous mixer. Maybe one so flimsy you’d have to beat eggs by hand. That should temper your interest in baking, or at least make you think twice before you begin.

Invention #2: The Easy Lose Weight Oven. Never heard of it? Well, you might recognize it by its more common name, The Easy Bake Oven.

In spite of my sweets fast, we’ve been doing a ton of baking around here, thanks to a neighbor who bought us an Easy Bake Oven ($3 on craigslist). She brought it over Saturday night, and since then we’ve made 5 cakes and one pizza. And all fifteen bites of these baked goods were consumed within minutes of being pulled out of that plastic oven. Consider this, you dieters. If you trade in your real oven for a tiny, pink light-bulb-powered variety, getting those three bites of cake will require 15 minutes of preheating, 10 minutes of baking, and 10 minutes of cooling. Not to mention the cake is now made with three tablespoons of cake mix and one tablespoon of milk. Tasty, tasty. It’s hard to get fat off that. Unless you have a four-year-old that wants to make something every other hour and keeps plugging the dang oven in. But I think that’s just me.

So, equipped with a terrible mixer and a tiny plastic oven, even YOU (aka me) can be the Biggest Loser. And come May I’ll go back to making sure Mark’s V-day present doesn’t feel neglected. Big oven style.