Making sense of death

Last month, Sage told me she dreamed about me dying, and she was sad. I told her I didn’t think I was going to die soon, because “usually people only die when they’re old.” Sage’s face broke into a smile and she told me happily, “But we’re not old, we’re new!”

February marked the anniversary (what a dumb word in this context) of the death of Mark's mom, as well as my grandma. We've talked to Sage a lot about death--between trying to explain Jesus' death, as well as the death of her grandmas. Kids are so believing that they’re quick to accept many things you tell them about death. However, their frames of reference are very limited, so the picture they get is…well, interesting to say the least.

Last month during sharing time (Primary), Sage snuck over to Mark and me behind the piano to relay this important message. “You know what I thought about last night? I thought about how you and Dad didn’t die because you have important things to do.” Uh…right.

Kids’ understanding of death is so piecemeal, based on what they hear and absorb of discussions on the subject. One of Sage’s friends, a smart little 4-year-old, recently had the experience at Red Lobster of choosing a lobster from the tank, which was cooked for him. After his meal, he asked his grandma when the lobster would come back alive. It seems his Primary teachers failed to mention that lobsters don’t experience near instantaneous resurrection after being grilled!

Last month, when Mark reminded Sage that his mom died, her chipper response was “It’s okay, because we have another mommy,” and she pointed to me.

Kids must be legitimately confused by conflicting outcomes in their own experience with death in real life, and stories like Sleeping Beauty and Jairus’ daughter who was raised from the dead by Jesus. She’s dead…no she’s asleep…no she’s alive.

Does Snow White’s poisoned apple and kiss by Prince Charming rob power and reality from Christ’s death and resurrection, and stories like the raising of Jairus’s daughter and Lazarus? I wondered how Sage perceived it, so I asked her if Sleeping Beauty was resurrected. She scoffed, and said no. I’m not sure how she'd explain away the deed, but I was glad she seemed to be separating church and Disney!

Who knows what kids are going to make of death based on fairy tales, the media, the miraculous stories in the scriptures, and the harsh realities of life. But at least I can be consistent about sharing my own conviction with my kids of the reality of Jesus Christ—that He lived, died, and then was resurrected for us.

Sage has been asked to give a talk in Primary on Easter Sunday. I jumped at the chance to teach her correct information, including my own testimony that Jesus lives. I had to do it in simple enough words that 3-year-olds can understand. Here’s what I came up with (try to imagine the accompanying pictures). I believe it with all my heart, even though it sounds very simple. And I know that Sage believes it, too.

Jesus is my Savior.

He suffered for our sins so we can be clean and happy.

Then Jesus died for us on a cross. This is called the Atonement.

People were very sad. They put his body in a tomb.

After three days, Mary went to visit his body, and found him alive. Jesus had been resurrected. It was Easter.

This is my grandma. She died last year. I know that she is with Jesus now, and she will be resurrected, too.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

He does live. Happy Easter.