Because I am a glutton for punishment, I scheduled two doctor appointments for tomorrow. I’ve already laid out the diaper bag, immunization records, 10 packs of fruit snacks (one per girl per twenty minutes) and a whole bottle of Tylenol (for me once I’m finished).There is no “excitement” like that of taking three kids to the pediatrician. [Except, maybe, taking eight kids. How did you survive, Mom?]
Last month I took Sage for a UTI check (with the rest of the crew in tow). Sage was instructed to urinate in a cup. I took all three kids in the restroom, and we sat back to wait for Sage to work her magic.
Nothing.
Three more minutes.
Nothing. [“Don’t touch the garbage can, Eliza.”]
5 cups of water later.
Nothing. [“Don’t lie on the floor, Eliza.”]
5 minutes of letting the water faucet run.
Nothing.
“Come quick Mom!” [Finally.]
“Oh, sorry for getting you wet, Mom.”
At last we can go back to our little room and wait another 30 minutes for the doctor to come tell us Sage doesn’t have a UTI.
Then there was Lily's rash last week. The nurse asked if it was all right if a medical student came in with the doctor. I said it was fine. I just didn’t realize that the med student would be playing doctor like I used to play house.
Here's a bit of our dialogue:
Med student comes in first, without doctor. [I try to kick two pairs' of pink crocs out of the way before he has a chance to trip on them.]
Me: “Lily has a rash that she keeps scratching.”
Student: “Let’s look at her history. It looks like Lily had some reflux when she was 1 month old. How’s that?”
Me [to student]: “Fine.”
Me [to kids]: “Keep the lids on the markers.”
Student: “And how is Lily doing with her diarrhea? No, wait, it looks like she had that when she was…let’s see…3 months old.”
Me [to student]: “She’s fine.”
Me [to kids]: “Those Cheetos are for AFTER the appointment.”
Student: “And how is Lily’s GERT?”
Me [to student]: “What?”
Student: “Her torticollis.”
Me [to student]: “Fine. We’re working with the therapist on that. What do you think about her rash?”
Student: [opens mouth to speak]
Me [to kids]: “Do not color on each other, and wipe off those Cheetos with this wet wipe.”
Etc.
Thank you (doctors’ offices) for teaching me patience. I’m sure the feeling is mutual.
9 comments:
HA!!!!!!!! My favorite is Sage not being able to squeeze out a single drop, despite the 5 cups of water and faucet running! Oh wow. Just tell her to pretend it's nap time. At least then she could have a bowel movement. At least the kids weren't pulling out the stirrups from the table. Here's hoping for no more appts for at least a year.
LOVE this post! Your story-telling epitomizes perfectly the plight of motherhood...we've SO all been there, the best part is the great cheetoh cave-in! ANYTHING to get them to behave, even if 5 minutes before you were swearing up and down that they "may NOT have the cheetoh's until blah, blah, blah...."!
You sure you haven't been spying on us when WE go to the doctor?!
You are so brave to take all three to the doctor! Please call me next time to babysit...of course then you wouldn't have an awesome story to share!
Ah me . . . it brings back a few too many memories. The only consoling fact: at least it wasn't an airplane bathroom; they're the worst for multiple occupants! --Mom
That's why you might just settle on three as your lucky number. :) jk, the more williams the merrier!
thanks for putting the excitement into words that make us all laugh with understanding!!
10 packs of fruit snacks each? What happened to 1/3 of a fruit roll up per child per hour? Do I hear a mother spoiling her children? Hu, hu?
This entry is hilarious. You should submit it somewhere. Although the one about Lily getting her head coated with cream is also pretty funny.
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