Apology #1
To: anyone (especially those without children) that had contact with me between the hours of 5:30pm-7pm today (or during the same hours on any other day in which Sage refuses to nap, Eliza’s two naps total 47 minutes, and I went to bed late the night before). [Mark's absence to a two-day conference has taken it's toll on me.]
For: emotional damage (please don’t make any drastic decisions about future family planning)
Apology #2
To: the kitchen staff at Coney’s (a frozen custard place)
For: the very sticky booth we left, and the number of times Eliza snuck in to tour the kitchen while I was trying to buy three rounds of frozen custard. [How was I supposed to know Eliza wanted more than half of MY cone, and that Sage was unwilling to take the vanilla cone, and that frozen custard is so addicting, and that I would eat half of the one we were taking home for Mark before Sage said, “Save some for me, too, Mommy!”???]
Apology #3
To: the husband
For: the significantly lighter, opened package of Dove chocolates. I got confused when I read one of the "promises" [wanna be fortunes] that said "Write a love note to me." It confused me enough that I had to eat a few more, just to look for more clues.When Mark came home, I told him about the bewildering message. He expressed doubt in my "fortune." I looked through the trash to prove him wrong, resulting in two tragic things. 1. I had to admit how many chocolates I had actually eaten. 2. I had to admit I probably am going crazy, because it actually said "Write a love letter this week."
This is a bad sign. I would like to blame it on dyslexia, but I think it probably has more to do with overconsumption of chocolate...several days in a row.
6 comments:
Janel - I want to live in a world where you never have to apologize for eating too much chocolate. I totally cracked up reading about the sticky booth you abandoned - we experienced the same thing this week while gorging ourselves at Culvers. Why does it feel like you're fleeing a crime scene when you leave a restaurant with children?
Apology #4 (To) the author of this blog (For) editing this page of Wikipedia and adding her picture as a prime example of someone suffering from this condition
I think apology 1 was directed at me since I happened to be at your house that day in that special window, but I didn't notice anything wrong, since I was too busy eating your chocolates and giving Jacob time-outs for bad behavior. I will forgive you in exchange for you going bra shopping with me and helping me with the kids. On second thought, that's WAY too much to ask for such a tiny transgression.
Mickey, you are bad! Apology not accepted. (You know how the guilty take the truth to be hard...) Okay, I'll accept your apology, as long as you promise not to make any "adult" comments. : )
And FYI, I don't SUFFER from the chocoholic condition. I kind of enjoy it. Most of the time.
danielle- apology #1 was directed primarily to you. I'm glad I can be forgiven for such a small fee. And, perhaps I should hand-deliver all the rest of our chocolates (in a small semi-truck) to your house, and try to turn over a new leaf, in the name of moderation or dieting or whatever.
Janel, I really don't think you should apologize to Mark for eating chocolate. Unless they were his, then you just replace them and make sure you buy enough for yourself. I'm glad I don't have to share my chocolate or confess my overeating. My favorite Dove promise is "Smile. People will wonder what you've been up to." That's great for those days when you feel a bit mischievous.
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